The gift of... well, gifts

Ages ago I decided I was going to blog about the 5 Love Languages http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. I did the first 3 and then slightly ran out of steam! So here's number 4 - sorry there's been such a long gap!

I've already talked about Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service. This time I want to talk about Receiving Gifts. Who doesn't like receiving gifts?! I guess most of us like presents, but the truth is that they're definitely more important to some people than to others. I like getting presents, of course I do, but actually in many ways I like a card or note better! I'd far rather receive a card, written from the heart, with kind and encouraging words in it, than an expensive present! (A card that just has someone's name scribbled in it doesn't count - the words are what's important!). That's because my love language is Words of Affirmation, so the main way in which I feel loved is through words.

That said though, presents are still great, especially thought through and well chosen presents. Present-buying is actually quite a gift. Some people only seem able to buy presents they themselves like, even if it's something the person they're buying for wouldn't like at all. I remember learning this quite early in life. My mum came home one day with a present for my great aunt. It was a brooch - truly one of the ugliest things I had ever seen! I asked my mum what on earth she was thinking - it was hideous! "That's true," she said, "it's horrible. But Aunty Mary will like it." Sure enough, when it came to Aunty Mary's birthday, she loved it, and she often wore it. I was astonished, and impressed! Buying presents, it turned out, was a selfless act - you had to imagine what the other person would most like.

I find that quite fun, and enjoy buying presents for people. In fact sometimes people are surprised to learn that I'm less bothered about receiving gifts, because I like buying and giving them so much! I'm one of those really annoying people (I get this from my mum too!), who buys presents all year round, and keeps them in a special cupboard. I buy something, whenever I see it, which I know that a certain person would like, even if it's just after Christmas and their birthday is months away. For some really good friends I have 3 or 4 presents hidden away, because in each case I've seen something and known that they'll love it. (Of course the trick then is remembering that when it comes to their birthday!).

I have all sorts of random presents in my cupboard. More than once there's been an 'emergency present' required - e.g. when we've found out at the last minute that one of the kids of one of our church families who are in need has a birthday, and I've been able to race home and find something to fit the bill. I also love buying presents for my friends' kids. For my Godchildren, I buy presents not just at Christmas and birthdays, but also on the anniversaries of their baptisms.

As a single person (even though I realise I've just said I prefer cards!), presents are hugely important to me. My family is tiny - we'd pretty much all fit in a phone box - and realistically the only people who really HAVE to buy me presents are my mum and dad. It's massively special, then, when people buy me presents who really don't have to. I'm fairly easily pleased present-wise (HINT: jewellery, bags, scarves and pretty stationery are ALWAYS going to work :) ), but it is so very lovely when friends (who are under no genetic obligation to do so) buy me a present.

Christmas and birthday presents are obviously lovely. I'm so grateful to my wonderful friends who buy me presents then. At my best friend's house, where I have breakfast every Christmas morning, I even get my own Christmas stocking :)

What's also lovely and wonderful is presents for no particular reason - presents because someone simply saw something and thought of you. What a lovely thing that is. I think the reason I enjoy that so much is knowing that firstly someone knows me well enough to know that I would love that particular thing, and secondly that they were thinking of me when they saw it, and went to the trouble of buying it for me.

Sometimes it's easy to think that I don't really matter all that much to anyone - perhaps as a single person this is a particularly common thought pattern, because there's no 'one person' to whom we are most special, and who we know will always have us in mind. But receiving a gift, by its very nature, makes us special - it reminds us that someone has thought about us, and cares for us, and has gone to some trouble for us. That is definitely a gift worth receiving!

Here's a rather lovely gift I received recently (teabag not supplied):

A yellow giraffe t-shirt

I've sort of been 'brewing' this blog post for a while now, but even as I type, I'm nervous about how it will be received... will it be a bit too much like just letting you all read my journal? Well, maybe. But then maybe that's just what blogging is anyway. And if you've ever read this blog before, or if you know me in actual real life, then you'll know that I'm a majorly over-sharing extrovert, so hey, whatcha gonna do?!

I've blogged on a similar-ish theme before, just after Mothers' Day last year - http://katewharton.blogspot.co.uk/2014_04_01_archive.html. 

This time it was being at the New Wine England Summer Gathering that made me start to ponder this whole issue of childlessness. (And before I go any further, if you don't know what New Wine is, check it out here - http://www.new-wine.org/home)

 So. I want to write about not having children, and what that feels like for me. I want to do that, although it may make me cry, because I find the writing cathartic, as a way of processing it all. And I want to do it too because it may just help someone else along the way, to think or reflect or face up to this issue for themselves.

I want to be really careful about the language I use, and I hope you'll bear with me. I don't want to offend or upset anyone. I can only share my thoughts and my experiences - yours will be different. And I can (obviously) only talk about not having children from the perspective of someone who is single. The issue of childlessness is a whole different thing for married people who are unable to have children, and/or have lost children. I have a number of friends in that category, and I grieve for them. I can't imagine what that feels like. I've found this blog to be a beautiful and honest exploration of some of those issues - http://saltwaterandhoney.org/

I recognise too that for many single people, the 'children thing' isn't a thing at all. It is at best a peripheral issue, something that inevitably goes alongside being single, but isn't too much of an issue in and of itself - certainly not the main event. It's not something that people necessarily think of when they think of singleness. Single people don't have a spouse. Married people can be childless, not single people. And yet for some (although of course not all) single people, it can be one of the biggest areas of pain.

I would love to have children. I've wanted to have children for as long as I can remember, and I don't think that's just because in a way it's sort of assumed that women will. It was just something within me - I wanted to be a mum.

I love children, and I'm pretty good with them. I can, generally, talk to them, and play with them, and have fun with them and enjoy their company. Whether they're teeny-tiny, or toddlery, or tantrumy, or tweenagey, we can usually manage to get along well.

Obviously I love my friends' kids a huge amount. I have 3 fabulous Godchildren, and those 3 families contain my most favourite 7 children ever. But lots of other friends have kids too, and they're all special.

I really love spending time with children. It's such an awesome privilege to be allowed to be part of a little person's life - that they'll talk to you about the stuff that matters to them, and give you a big slobbery kiss because they've missed you, and slip their hand into yours as you walk down the road.

I spend quite a bit of time around kids at the moment. Partly that's a life-stage thing. Lots of my friends either have small kids (or much bigger kids!), or are pregnant. We do lots of things for kids at church. Just this last week we had 43 kids and their parents/carers in church for a fun day, and then we took them all on a trip to a theme park. It was great - sharing life with them, talking to them about Jesus, seeing their excitement as they went on the rides, hearing their laughter.

And at New Wine too, it was great. We had a fair few kids on our camp site (including all 3 of my gorgeous Godchildren - what a treat!), and it was really fun to have them around and to hang out with them in a really relaxed way.

And yet. You see, there was a bit of a meltdown. That's what started off this whole train of thought. One evening, I just completely lost it. I didn't see it coming at all, but all of a sudden there it was. i was in the main evening session, and a guy from my church walked past on his way to the cafe to get a drink, so I offered to hold his baby while he did. She's 7 months old and she's just so darned cute! We had a bit of a cuddle and a dance, then he came back with his drink and took her back. A few minutes later a dad and a toddler from another local church went past. In fact the toddler raced past with a look of determination on her face and the dad frantically ran after her to try to stop her from causing mayhem. She was wearing a yellow t-shirt with a giraffe on it. That's what did it, I think. The yellow giraffe t-shirt.

I basically sobbed for the whole of the rest of the evening. It wasn't pretty. There was a lot of snot. I don't even know why I was crying. Well, you know what I mean. I was crying because there are beautiful, gorgeous, adorable small people in the world and I won't ever have one of my own. But still, I don't know *why* I was crying, at that moment and in that place.

I talked to God a lot about it, that evening and in the days that followed. I wondered, to myself and to God, what it was all about. I wondered whether it would always be this painful, whether yellow giraffe t-shirts would always make me cry. Perhaps they will. Perhaps that's ok.

Later I bumped into some lovely friends, who saw past the snot, and prayed for me, and understood. That's another incredible blessing right there.

I'm so grateful to God, and to my friends, for the little people in my life, and for the joy they bring. I pray that I'll always enjoy being with them, even though it might sometimes be hard too. I pray that they'll always want to spend time with me. I pray that I'll never become bitter over the things I don't have. I pray that I'll always stay thankful for the things that I do have. I pray that I'll continue to try to become like a little child myself, as Jesus said I should (see Matt 18:1-3).

I pray for every little person today wearing a yellow giraffe t-shirt, for every grown up person given the awesome job of caring for them, and for everyone for whom tied up in that whole business there's pain, or grief, or sorrow.

I saw this video today. It's unbelievably precious, and a reminder of the total miracle of new life. Don't watch it if you don't want to cry a bit! (And I recommend you don't read the comments after it - people get crazy on the internet...). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fhe44oPdp1U

Kindness in action

Here's another blog from me about 'The Five Love Languages' as described by Gary Chapman - http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. This time I'm thinking about what he calls 'Acts of Service'. In a way this one's the opposite of 'Words of Affirmation' which I described last time, because rather than appreciating kind and positive words, someone whose Love Language is Acts of Service appreciates kind actions - things done for them, to help them out and bless them.

I appreciate people doing nice stuff for me as much as the next person, and I'm certainly never going to say no to anyone who offers to do some gardening (I HATE IT!), but Acts of Service come right in the middle for me as far as Love Languages go. Words of Affirmation (see blog on 25th June) and Quality Time (still to come) are much more important to me.

As a single person living on my own though, there are LOTS of times I can think of when Acts of Service would be very handy indeed.

A few years ago I ordered a new fridge. It was delivered by a nice man in a big lorry. However, the nice man carried the fridge approximately 6 inches inside my front door, put it down, and was driving away in his big lorry before I could say "oi, you can't leave that there!" There was a great deal of pushing and shoving, a fair amount of sweat, and one or two slightly naughty words involved in getting the fridge from the front door to the kitchen...

When I moved into the Vicarage here, I decided to get a new dining room table and chairs. I ordered them online, and they arrived as flatpack. I decided to be a grown up. I could absolutely do this by myself. I am woman. I make table. It took the entire day. I broke some nails. But - a wooden table and 6 lovely chairs were duly created. I did it ALL BY MYSELF! (Yes, one of the chairs is seriously wobbly. Really, don't sit on that one if you come round. My dad mentions it every time he walks in the room. It does my head in. But what's a wobbly chair between friends?).

On that occasion I did feel pretty proud of myself for stepping up and doing it. Sometimes it's fun to play at being a grown up! But it isn't always possible, or there isn't time, or it's just a job that needs two people. I waited months for a blind to be fitted in my dining room because it just wasn't a job that could be done by someone with only two hands. (To be fair it was also because I'm terrified of using a drill. Not quite that grown up yet). One friend helpfully offered to lend me a drill, but I didn't want to borrow a drill. I wanted a person to wield the drill too.

Maybe I'm just an idealist, but I really think as Church we should be able to help one another out with this stuff. It's obviously not just about single people needing stuff done, and other people helping them do it, though I guess from my own perspective and that of this blog I'm thinking about that side of things more. But we all have different interests/gifts/skills etc and so it makes sense that we would help each other out when we can. It's like a giant, ongoing, free (well maybe cake instead of money) promise auction.

It's not like I want all the Acts of Service to be done for me, of course. I need all the help I can get with DIY and gardening, as you can see, but I can be relatively useful myself. If I can, I'll baby-sit, pet-sit or granny-sit. I'll happily lend books, shoes, car, household items or anything else I have that someone else would find useful. I love cooking and will make meals or puddings or cakes as requested. I'll do your shopping for you. I'll give lifts.

And surely - surely! - if we all just mucked in and offered the stuff we like and are good at, and asked for help with the stuff we can't manage, things ought to work out ok, didn't they?

But I guess maybe that's the problem. Maybe we don't offer help enough, because we're too busy doing our own stuff, or the thought never occurs to us, or it does occur to us but then we forget all about it, or we don't want to patronise, or we just can't be bothered, or 101 other things which are reasons but also excuses. And maybe we don't ask for help because we think we can probably do it so we'll wait and we'll do it, no, we will, one day soon... Or we're not sure who to ask, or we asked once and someone said no or didn't turn up so we're scared to ask again, or we don't want to seem needy, or probably more like 1001 different reasons we make in our heads.

Perhaps a good rule if we want to ask for help and that soundtrack is in our head, is to remember "not to say someone else's no for them" - that is, just ask! What's the worst that can happen? If we all try our best to be grown ups (no judgement intended there - I find it hard myself most days of the week) then we might get to the point where we can ask for help when we need it, and we can offer help when we're able. And maybe a lot more Acts of Service would get done.

And maybe my garden wouldn't be somewhere you could lose a small child in for a month...

The importance of words

I wrote last week about 'the power of positive touch' - looking at one of the '5 Love Languages' which Gary Chapman describes in his book. This week I thought I'd write about the one which is my primary love language - what Chapman calls 'words of affirmation'.

When I first read the book and did the little quiz at the back to find out the order in which the 5 Love Languages apply to me, I'd never given this issue any thought at all. It had never occurred to me that the different ways in which love could be expressed or received would have any particularly different impact on people. My score came out as showing Words of Affirmation to be my love language - a long way ahead of any of the others!

It was years ago that I first read the book and since then I've come to realise that it really does make a lot of sense - and knowing this about myself really helps!

Words matter hugely to me. I've always loved words. I love writing, and reading. I also love preaching and teaching. I try to use words carefully. I sometimes speak off the cuff, but more often I carefully prepare what I'm going to say, spending time crafting each phrase and sentence. I remember words - things I've heard in sermons or during conversations; song words; snippets from films or novels.

When I wrote my book a couple of years ago I weighed each word very carefully. Words have great power - they can bless or hurt; criticise or encourage; thank or reject; teach or stifle.

I've known for a very long time that the saying "sticks and bones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" was utter nonsense. If I didn't know it before, I learnt it the hard way at school, when a few people used a few words, for quite a long time, to hurt me a very great deal. Because if course, if you're someone who remembers the good words, then you're also going to remember the bad ones. Words that people have used to hurt me or criticise me never leave me. They continue going round and round my head for a long time after they've been spoken - and going round and round my heart for longer still.

Unfortunately, and perhaps inevitably, I'm much better at remembering the negative words than the positive ones - maybe we all are.

Because Words of Affirmation are my primary love language, I'm only really able to feel loved and appreciated when positive words are used. For instance, you might buy me a lovely present, but no card. I'm afraid though I'll feel more loved by the person who writes me a beautiful message in a card but doesn't give me a present at all! (It may be a mistake to admit this publicly. Maybe I'll never be bought a present again. I do like presents too, honest...). It's true though - I just love cards and letters and emails and texts with kind, encouraging, appreciative words. I have a habit of keeping cards and letters which have meant a lot to me - I have boxes full of them. and although I hardly ever look at them, each one means a huge amount to me. I would move quickly to save them if my house was burning down!

I write a lot of cards to people myself. It's one of the quirks of the Love Languages that we often show love in the way we like to receive it - so I have a habit of using lots of Words of Affirmation with others, even though I'm well aware that if it isn't also their Love Language, they won't be that interested in it!

I've been reflecting lately on what it looks like to be a single person, who lives alone, whose Love Language is Words of Affirmation. Obviously people around me give me words of affirmation - friends, colleagues, people at church - and that's great. But I wonder whether for me, especially as an extrovert, one of the losses is immediately after an event or a meeting or a service or whatever, when I really just need someone to tell me I did well. Or even just on a day to day basis, needing someone to tell me they value me and what I've done.

I guess because of that I massively appreciate it when it does happen - so huge thanks to the colleague this week who emailed me not 5 minutes after a difficult meeting had ended, to tell me I'd done a great job.

I'm aware in this area there's the potential for sin (as in all of life!) - I don't want to become so reliant on Words of Affirmation that I become vain or proud or needy. But nevertheless there's a right awareness I think, of who we are, and how we are made, and a recognition of what we need. And of course it's a godly and appropriate thing to thank and encourage one another. 

Perhaps we all need to consider how we use our words towards others (and towards ourselves). If you're a fellow WoA person like me - may you be blessed by words far more than you are hurt by them. You're doing great!

The power of positive touch

Gosh it's been an unbelievably long time since I last blogged! Sorry about that... I've been variously busy, and ill, and on holiday! I'm definitely going to try to get back to doing this regularly. So here goes...
I wonder if you've come across the idea of the Five Love Languages? If you're a regular churchy type person then I'd be surprised if you haven't at least heard of them because they seem to be all over the place! They are outlined in a book by an American author called Gary Chapman and you can find out more here - www.5lovelanguages.com

When I first read the book I admit I was pretty sceptical. The premise is that there are 5 main ways that we give and receive love, and that every person has 1 primary love language, that is 1 preferred way in which they receive love. I couldn't really imagine how that could be true - how could every human being on the planet fit into 1 of these 5 categories and conform to 1 of these patterns? Well, needless to say, it isn't quite as straight forward as that, but nevertheless as I read the book I had one 'aha!' moment after another - it really did make sense!

The Five Love Languages are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. I'm going to blog about each of them over the next little while, and ponder a bit on how we might be able to give and receive love in each of these ways - and how being single might impact on that.

Although it isn't my primary love language, I'm going to start with Physical Touch. The reason for that is that the idea of blogging about the love languages came to me yesterday as I was having a back massage! I absolutely LOVE having massages, but until a couple of years ago I'd only ever done so a few times. But then I had a bad car accident and, although fortunately I was unhurt, a kind friend gave me a voucher for a massage to help me relax and recover. It was lovely, and the salon 'just happened' to have an offer on at the time where if you paid for 4 massages you got 6. I paid for the course, and by the end of it I was hooked! They have such offers on regularly, and I've been booking them ever since. Every time I reach the end of a course I tell myself it's an outrageous extravagance, and I can't afford it, and I'm going to stop, but then every time I book again! It really helps with my shoulders, which have been dodgy and painful for years (the physio even said I should keep going!), plus it's lovely and relaxing and feels like such a treat!

Anyway, as I was lying there having the massage, I began to think that actually it's quite a weird thing to do. I was practically naked, and somebody I didn't know was rubbing oil onto my back and running her hands all over it! As a single person, that's far and away the most intimate touch I ever receive. Perhaps if you're in a sexual relationship and used to being naked in front of someone else, and to intimate touch, it feels less of an issue - but after all it is still a complete stranger that's doing it!

In spite of the slight oddness of it though, I still really enjoy it (I just find it's best not to over analyse it or it would weird me out - a bit like when I go swimming and think "essentially we're all just in our underwear in front of a load of people we don't know"!). Yes, I enjoy the relaxation of it all, and the lovely smells, and how chilled out I feel afterwards - but I also enjoy the touch. It's good to be touched by another human being once in a while!

For single people (I guess most particularly those who live alone, and don't have kids) lack of touch can be a real issue. I imagine if you're single and Physical Touch is your primary love language, that could be really hard, as you would potentially feel very lacking in love and affection.

This has surely got to be something that, as Christians, we can do something about! Lots of churches have a custom of 'sharing the peace' which can be anything from a handshake to a hug to a peck on both cheeks - but (if you want!!) can be a good way of receiving some appropriate physical touch.

[Of course, it can also go the other way, as evidenced by this conversation in the Vicar of Dibley:
David Horton: Am I alone on Sundays in preferring not to shake hands with the malodorous creature in the next pew? 
Jim Trott: No no no no... I quite like that bit. 
David Horton: Let alone kiss them? 
Jim Trott: I love that bit!]

I know that several days can go by when really, I've barely touched another human being. I might have touched hands with the person serving me in the supermarket, or brushed past someone on the street, but there's been no 'real' touch - no affection, no validation, no warmth. It then feels really good when someone hugs me, or gives me a kiss on the cheek, or puts their hand on my arm as we talk (someone I know that is - it's not so great if a randomer does it!). Some people can't bear physical touch, of course, so there's an element of permission-giving required here too.

But perhaps we could all think a bit more about how to bless our friends whose love language is Physical Touch, and how to make sure we ourselves receive enough touch so that we know we're loved. And I think I'll carry on booking those massages...!

 If you're in any doubt as to the power of touch, take a look at this -

Being single at Christmas

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to be on 'Woman to Woman' on Premier Christian Radio, being interviewed by Maria Rodrigues along with Daphne Clifton. We were talking about what it's like being single (well, specifically being a single woman - apologies guys!) at Christmas. I've been meaning to blog about it ever since but being Advent (& having been ill for most of it!), I've not got round to it till now.

If you want to listen to the whole interview, you can do so here - http://www.premierchristianradio.com/Shows/Weekday/Woman-to-Woman/Episodes/Woman-to-Woman134?utm_medium=email&utm_source=Premier+Christian+Media&utm_campaign=5115194_IGNITE%3A+9%2F12%2F14&utm_content=w2w-single&dm_i=16DQ%2C31MWQ%2C9KKG1C%2CAXYXO%2C1

Interestingly a recent BBC report states that 7% of people expect to spend Christmas Day alone this year (that number rises to 10% among the over 65s). http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-30432939

That's totally fine if those people *want* to be on their own, as of course many do. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-30512529?ocid=socialflow_twitter

The point is, though, that an awful lot of those people don't want to spend Christmas Day alone, and will find it a very difficult and painful day. This is a tragedy. I really think that no one should have to spend Christmas Day alone if they don't want to.

I love this story that I heard today, of a woman who didn't want to spend Christmas alone, and didn't want others to have to either, so paid for 40 people to have Christmas dinner in a pub. (Admittedly it was today, not on Christmas Day, so some of them might still be alone then). http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-30586667

In the church where I was curate we used to do lunch in the church hall on Christmas Day. We'd get around 35 people each year - some families, some elderly couples, some people who lived alone. There was always great food and a great atmosphere. We've thought about doing it at my current church but unfortunately we don't have a church hall. Maybe one year we'll manage it in a different venue. I do know though that some people invite in others who might otherwise be on their own - and I'm very glad they do.

My very lovely best friend and her family have invited me every year since we all moved to Liverpool to have breakfast with them on Christmas Day. This is such a lovely, thoughtful thing to do, and it makes such a difference to the day for me. Even if I have people I'm going to see later, being on my own in the morning before church isn't much fun. But now I get to wake up early, drive to their house, eat a yummy breakfast, watch their 3 gorgeous little people open their presents, and have my very own stocking, all before coming back in time for church. What an absolute joy!

I have spent most Christmases of my life with my parents, but twice in the last few years I've spent the day with good friends and their families. That's also been a joy, to be welcomed in to someone else's family and home.

It isn't just Christmas Day itself that can be hard though, is it? There are lots of social events at Christmas that can be tough if you're single. Going to parties alone can be hard (and for extroverts, like me, going home afterwards can be even harder, with no one to debrief to!).

Church can actually be quite a hard place to be for single people at Christmas too (well, I know that sadly church can often be a hard place for single people...!). But Christmas particularly is often seen as a real 'family' occasion. There are lots of services and events for families and for children, and single people can feel left out of this. (Of course, this is also true for anyone for whom 'family' is difficult for whatever reason).

I've said this before, but for those of us connected in any way with church, surely we should be doing something about this? Surely as church, as community, as family, we should be able to make sure that no one is lonely, especially at Christmas, that no one is on their own if they don't want to be.

I realise it can be hard sometimes to accept these invitations even if they come - we don't want to impose, we think people are only inviting us out of politeness, we think we'd be in the way of a family time. I really get that! But honestly, if you're fortunate enough to have been invited by someone (and if you want to go!), then do say yes. Don't miss out on what could be a wonderful day for fear of imposing on others - chances are they wouldn't have invited you if they didn't actually want you to go!

As single people we can also make the decision to be proactive. We don't need to just sit and wait and hope for invitations or whatever. As a single vicar I can't really invite people round on Christmas Day as I don't think I could quite manage the service as well as the cooking! But I can invite people round at other times. For 10 years now I've had a tradition of inviting round a group of friends on the Friday before Christmas. There's anything from around 12 to 25 of us, all ages, and we eat a gigantic amount of cake, play games, and have lots of fun. I absolutely love it! I love being able to be the one who does the cooking and the hosting (it is absolutely not allowed for anyone to bring anything!).

So yes, Christmas can be tough if you're single. Is it harder than every other day of the year? I guess different ones of us will answer that question differently, and of course it depends on our own personal circumstances. But let's all (whether married or single) look out for one another, especially at this time of year. Let's love one another, bear with one another, empathise with one another. Let's extend an extra invitation to someone. Let's do our best to make sure church is really family.

Happy Christmas!

200th anniversary - the joy of celebration

At. St. George's we've recently celebrated a very special anniversary. October 26th marked exactly 200 years since the service to consecrate the church. I arrived here 5 1/2 years ago and so knew from the start that this was looming, although it's come around much more quickly than I thought it would! We've spent quite a long time planning how we would celebrate, because we wanted to get it just right!

Throughout the year, we had a series of different events, some just for fun, some enhanced versions of things we do anyway, some extra special. Leading up to the big day, we invited back each of our 4 most recent vicars to preach at our 11am service. We loved having them, and I think they enjoyed coming back too. It must be strange going back to somewhere you used to be so much a part of, but now have left behind - seeing many familiar things, some just the same, but lots new too.

We planned a big celebration for the weekend itself. On the Saturday we had an Open Day. Ken Rogers, the journalist, author and historian, who is a great friend to us at St. George's, kindly came along, spent the day with us, and did a talk. Bob Harrington, our wonderful retired Reader and leader of our History Group, did his 'hats' sketch, where simply by changing his hat he becomes James Cragg, Thomas Rickman and Robert Buddicomb! Anyone was welcome to come, but we especially invited back anyone who was baptised or married here, or who had ever been in the choir or Sunday School. Michael Bennett played the organ and Mark Loudon took the photos and we had a great celebration! People shared their memories and brought along their photos. The long-service award went to Reg, baptised here in 1923! It was a really great day.

On the Sunday we had a service in the morning just for our current congregation. We played pass the parcel, made a new communion table cloth using our painted handprints, and prayed and worshipped together as we do week by week. We enjoyed a lovely cake. It was a lovely time of being together. There was then a few hours of frantic activity and preparation before the Big Event!

At 3pm we had our main celebration service. Church was absolutely packed, with close to 200 adults, plus under 4s at the back. The 4-11s were next door in the Beacon School enjoying a puppet show! The service was wonderful, with great music, a fantastic sermon from Pete, the Dean of Liverpool, and lots of special guests and friends. We watched a video made by Ashley, the curate, who'd filmed people from church, the school and the community, describing St. George's in one word. It makes me cry every time I watch it! I love how often the words 'home', 'family' and 'community' come up. We also read out some of the memories we'd collected from people filling in memory cards over the previous weeks. Afterwards we all went over to the school for lots more cake.

Apart from my ordinations & licensings, this was my very favourite church service ever! It was so joyful, full of fun and life and celebration. It was also one of the most exhausting things I've ever done!

Planning for this occasion over so many years, and then enjoying each of the events as they happened, and especially experiencing the weekend itself, really made me reflect on how important it is to celebrate big life events together as a community. St. George's 200th anniversary really mattered. It mattered to those of us who are currently part of the church, of course. But more than that, it mattered to anyone who ever had been part of it, and who still thought of it fondly. It mattered to anyone who lived in the community and saw it as 'their' church. It mattered to anyone who had ever attended a special service there, whether one of joy or sorrow. It mattered to people of faith and to people of none.

I think, and I hope, that we did St. George's proud as we celebrated. It's exciting to think of what events and occasions might be celebrated there in the future. We looked around at our little ones and wondered whether any of them will be there when the 250th anniversary comes around in 2064.

It's incredible to stand in this stunning church and think about all that's happened here over the years. How many couples married, how many people baptised, how many loved ones bid farewell, how many people finding faith, how many relationships restored, how many prayers prayed, how many sicknesses healed, how many dreams dreamed.  

I think this was one of those moments when it was ok to feel a bit proud! :)