Anti-virus software for the heart

Recently I had to update the anti-virus software on my computer. I always find it slightly terrifying, as if in the 3 minutes the download takes to activate hundreds of computer hackers will find their way into my computer and unleash plagues upon it which will scramble my settings and gobble up all my work. I know, I know - one, I need to rein in my imagination; two, I need to seriously work on my computer-techie understanding; and three - well, frankly I need to get out more.

But really, where on earth would we be without anti-virus software? It's just a marvellous thing. I have (unsurprisingly) not the faintest idea how it works, and I really don't care much either. All I know is that somehow it protects my computer from the nastiness which could potentially overtake it if it were not there.

Now, I hope this isn't too much of a clunky link, and at the risk of being one of those comedy vicars who's forever saying "and that's a bit like Jesus..." - honestly, ever since I did the Norton thing last week (other anti-virus software is available), I've been thinking about the 'anti-virus' protection that my heart needs.

I am, as the 1662 Prayer Book would put it, a 'miserable sinner'. That sentence will come as no surprise to anyone who's ever met me. However - and I'm sorry if this is a bit over familiar - so are you. The prophet Isaiah puts it like this - "We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way." What he means, basically, is that we all stuff up, screw up, mess up and cock up on a fairly regular basis.

I am susceptible to all manner of temptations and I am drawn to any number of things which I know are not good for me. I am open to 'viruses' coming at me from all angles and spreading their poison. The result is that I get a bit messed up inside. I can screw up my eyes and stick my fingers in my ears  shouting 'la la la la la, not listening' as much as I like, but it won't help (I've tried!). The viruses get me every time, if my anti-virus software isn't up to date.

I make sure I protect my computer. I wouldn't dream of letting my anti-virus subscription run out and then connecting to the internet - it would be madness. I know that if I were to do that I'd be opening up my computer to all sorts of risks and dangers. And yet how crazy it is that I take such good care of my computer, while so often leaving my heart and mind open to attacks from all sides.

So I've  been pondering a lot the need to 'guard my heart' as the book of Proverbs reminds me to do 'above all else'. It's good advice.

Starts, new starts, false starts and restarts...

I've had a very odd January. In fact, ideally, I'd like to go back and start again if possible. Although, when I say 'start again', obviously I don't mean 'have the same 3 weeks as I've just had'. No, the reason for wanting to start again is to try to achieve a somewhat different January from the one I've had.

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been awful or dreadful or traumatising. It's just been a bit, well... bleurgh. Is that a word? The red underliney thing doesn't seem to think so. Although it doesn't seem to think underliney is a word either, so I don't know that I shall trust it. Anyway, bleurgh it has indeed been. (It's definitely a word now. I've used it twice. How exciting - my first ever blog post and I've invented a new word.)

It all started so well. After a splendidly lazy New Year's Day, I sprang back into action on January 2nd. (Hmm, at this point honesty requires me to confess that it was more of a stumble than a spring. Nevertheless, January 2nd dawned and was embarked upon). I caught up with numerous emails, I planned lots of meetings, I wrote some talks. I was on fire! I had decided to embark upon a bit of a fitness regime, which was long overdue, so I went shopping for healthy food and actually did some real, proper exercise. What a day it was. This was my New Start.

And then on January 3rd there was a fairly large hiccup. I began to feel really quite ill. I had caught some kind of coldy/fluey/sicky thing from my friend. This was definitely not part of the plan. I soldiered on for a while, then it got worse as I lost my voice, and worse again as I developed conjunctivitis. I managed to still do bits and pieces of work but there was a serious time delay between my brain and anything else.

Then, about two and a half weeks later, just as I was beginning to feel human again, it began to snow. I do NOT like snow. That is to say, I like snow in its place, which is, for instance, Finland. I can just about cope with snow if I'm on holiday in a log cabin with a warm fire, a huge amount of chocolate and wine, and nowhere to be for a month. But here in Everton, the very highest point in Liverpool, with a practically sheer drop from the back of my house to the Mersey, snow is not welcome at all. So for the last few days I have been sliding around the streets of Everton in my trusty snow boots, attacking the church path with grit, shovel & broom, praying for it all to end soon!

Today has been something of a breakthrough! I bravely ventured out in my car for the first time. Go me! I had coffee with a friend, who helped me set up this blog. A new start! On Monday I re-embarked on the healthy campaign. And believe me I have the achey legs to prove it (the red underliner doesn't like achey either, but they are achey, so there.)

So I'm hoping that, in the absence of a button to press which will allow me a restarted January, things will simply improve from here on in. The signs are good so far. I'm glad that even though it isn't possible to turn the clock back, it's always possible to start over again...