A couple of weeks ago I was invited to be on 'Woman to Woman' on Premier Christian Radio, being interviewed by Maria Rodrigues along with Daphne Clifton. We were talking about what it's like being single (well, specifically being a single woman - apologies guys!) at Christmas. I've been meaning to blog about it ever since but being Advent (& having been ill for most of it!), I've not got round to it till now.
If you want to listen to the whole interview, you can do so here - http://www.premierchristianradio.com/Shows/Weekday/Woman-to-Woman/Episodes/Woman-to-Woman134?utm_medium=email&utm_source=Premier+Christian+Media&utm_campaign=5115194_IGNITE%3A+9%2F12%2F14&utm_content=w2w-single&dm_i=16DQ%2C31MWQ%2C9KKG1C%2CAXYXO%2C1
Interestingly a recent BBC report states that 7% of people expect to spend Christmas Day alone this year (that number rises to 10% among the over 65s). http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-30432939
That's totally fine if those people *want* to be on their own, as of course many do. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-30512529?ocid=socialflow_twitter
The point is, though, that an awful lot of those people don't want to spend Christmas Day alone, and will find it a very difficult and painful day. This is a tragedy. I really think that no one should have to spend Christmas Day alone if they don't want to.
I love this story that I heard today, of a woman who didn't want to spend Christmas alone, and didn't want others to have to either, so paid for 40 people to have Christmas dinner in a pub. (Admittedly it was today, not on Christmas Day, so some of them might still be alone then). http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-30586667
In the church where I was curate we used to do lunch in the church hall on Christmas Day. We'd get around 35 people each year - some families, some elderly couples, some people who lived alone. There was always great food and a great atmosphere. We've thought about doing it at my current church but unfortunately we don't have a church hall. Maybe one year we'll manage it in a different venue. I do know though that some people invite in others who might otherwise be on their own - and I'm very glad they do.
My very lovely best friend and her family have invited me every year since we all moved to Liverpool to have breakfast with them on Christmas Day. This is such a lovely, thoughtful thing to do, and it makes such a difference to the day for me. Even if I have people I'm going to see later, being on my own in the morning before church isn't much fun. But now I get to wake up early, drive to their house, eat a yummy breakfast, watch their 3 gorgeous little people open their presents, and have my very own stocking, all before coming back in time for church. What an absolute joy!
I have spent most Christmases of my life with my parents, but twice in the last few years I've spent the day with good friends and their families. That's also been a joy, to be welcomed in to someone else's family and home.
It isn't just Christmas Day itself that can be hard though, is it? There are lots of social events at Christmas that can be tough if you're single. Going to parties alone can be hard (and for extroverts, like me, going home afterwards can be even harder, with no one to debrief to!).
Church can actually be quite a hard place to be for single people at Christmas too (well, I know that sadly church can often be a hard place for single people...!). But Christmas particularly is often seen as a real 'family' occasion. There are lots of services and events for families and for children, and single people can feel left out of this. (Of course, this is also true for anyone for whom 'family' is difficult for whatever reason).
I've said this before, but for those of us connected in any way with church, surely we should be doing something about this? Surely as church, as community, as family, we should be able to make sure that no one is lonely, especially at Christmas, that no one is on their own if they don't want to be.
I realise it can be hard sometimes to accept these invitations even if they come - we don't want to impose, we think people are only inviting us out of politeness, we think we'd be in the way of a family time. I really get that! But honestly, if you're fortunate enough to have been invited by someone (and if you want to go!), then do say yes. Don't miss out on what could be a wonderful day for fear of imposing on others - chances are they wouldn't have invited you if they didn't actually want you to go!
As single people we can also make the decision to be proactive. We don't need to just sit and wait and hope for invitations or whatever. As a single vicar I can't really invite people round on Christmas Day as I don't think I could quite manage the service as well as the cooking! But I can invite people round at other times. For 10 years now I've had a tradition of inviting round a group of friends on the Friday before Christmas. There's anything from around 12 to 25 of us, all ages, and we eat a gigantic amount of cake, play games, and have lots of fun. I absolutely love it! I love being able to be the one who does the cooking and the hosting (it is absolutely not allowed for anyone to bring anything!).
So yes, Christmas can be tough if you're single. Is it harder than every other day of the year? I guess different ones of us will answer that question differently, and of course it depends on our own personal circumstances. But let's all (whether married or single) look out for one another, especially at this time of year. Let's love one another, bear with one another, empathise with one another. Let's extend an extra invitation to someone. Let's do our best to make sure church is really family.
Happy Christmas!
Tuesday 23 December 2014
Thursday 4 December 2014
200th anniversary - the joy of celebration
At. St. George's we've recently celebrated a very special anniversary. October 26th marked exactly 200 years since the service to consecrate the church. I arrived here 5 1/2 years ago and so knew from the start that this was looming, although it's come around much more quickly than I thought it would! We've spent quite a long time planning how we would celebrate, because we wanted to get it just right!
Throughout the year, we had a series of different events, some just for fun, some enhanced versions of things we do anyway, some extra special. Leading up to the big day, we invited back each of our 4 most recent vicars to preach at our 11am service. We loved having them, and I think they enjoyed coming back too. It must be strange going back to somewhere you used to be so much a part of, but now have left behind - seeing many familiar things, some just the same, but lots new too.
We planned a big celebration for the weekend itself. On the Saturday we had an Open Day. Ken Rogers, the journalist, author and historian, who is a great friend to us at St. George's, kindly came along, spent the day with us, and did a talk. Bob Harrington, our wonderful retired Reader and leader of our History Group, did his 'hats' sketch, where simply by changing his hat he becomes James Cragg, Thomas Rickman and Robert Buddicomb! Anyone was welcome to come, but we especially invited back anyone who was baptised or married here, or who had ever been in the choir or Sunday School. Michael Bennett played the organ and Mark Loudon took the photos and we had a great celebration! People shared their memories and brought along their photos. The long-service award went to Reg, baptised here in 1923! It was a really great day.
On the Sunday we had a service in the morning just for our current congregation. We played pass the parcel, made a new communion table cloth using our painted handprints, and prayed and worshipped together as we do week by week. We enjoyed a lovely cake. It was a lovely time of being together. There was then a few hours of frantic activity and preparation before the Big Event!
At 3pm we had our main celebration service. Church was absolutely packed, with close to 200 adults, plus under 4s at the back. The 4-11s were next door in the Beacon School enjoying a puppet show! The service was wonderful, with great music, a fantastic sermon from Pete, the Dean of Liverpool, and lots of special guests and friends. We watched a video made by Ashley, the curate, who'd filmed people from church, the school and the community, describing St. George's in one word. It makes me cry every time I watch it! I love how often the words 'home', 'family' and 'community' come up. We also read out some of the memories we'd collected from people filling in memory cards over the previous weeks. Afterwards we all went over to the school for lots more cake.
Apart from my ordinations & licensings, this was my very favourite church service ever! It was so joyful, full of fun and life and celebration. It was also one of the most exhausting things I've ever done!
Planning for this occasion over so many years, and then enjoying each of the events as they happened, and especially experiencing the weekend itself, really made me reflect on how important it is to celebrate big life events together as a community. St. George's 200th anniversary really mattered. It mattered to those of us who are currently part of the church, of course. But more than that, it mattered to anyone who ever had been part of it, and who still thought of it fondly. It mattered to anyone who lived in the community and saw it as 'their' church. It mattered to anyone who had ever attended a special service there, whether one of joy or sorrow. It mattered to people of faith and to people of none.
I think, and I hope, that we did St. George's proud as we celebrated. It's exciting to think of what events and occasions might be celebrated there in the future. We looked around at our little ones and wondered whether any of them will be there when the 250th anniversary comes around in 2064.
It's incredible to stand in this stunning church and think about all that's happened here over the years. How many couples married, how many people baptised, how many loved ones bid farewell, how many people finding faith, how many relationships restored, how many prayers prayed, how many sicknesses healed, how many dreams dreamed.
I think this was one of those moments when it was ok to feel a bit proud! :)
Throughout the year, we had a series of different events, some just for fun, some enhanced versions of things we do anyway, some extra special. Leading up to the big day, we invited back each of our 4 most recent vicars to preach at our 11am service. We loved having them, and I think they enjoyed coming back too. It must be strange going back to somewhere you used to be so much a part of, but now have left behind - seeing many familiar things, some just the same, but lots new too.
We planned a big celebration for the weekend itself. On the Saturday we had an Open Day. Ken Rogers, the journalist, author and historian, who is a great friend to us at St. George's, kindly came along, spent the day with us, and did a talk. Bob Harrington, our wonderful retired Reader and leader of our History Group, did his 'hats' sketch, where simply by changing his hat he becomes James Cragg, Thomas Rickman and Robert Buddicomb! Anyone was welcome to come, but we especially invited back anyone who was baptised or married here, or who had ever been in the choir or Sunday School. Michael Bennett played the organ and Mark Loudon took the photos and we had a great celebration! People shared their memories and brought along their photos. The long-service award went to Reg, baptised here in 1923! It was a really great day.
On the Sunday we had a service in the morning just for our current congregation. We played pass the parcel, made a new communion table cloth using our painted handprints, and prayed and worshipped together as we do week by week. We enjoyed a lovely cake. It was a lovely time of being together. There was then a few hours of frantic activity and preparation before the Big Event!
At 3pm we had our main celebration service. Church was absolutely packed, with close to 200 adults, plus under 4s at the back. The 4-11s were next door in the Beacon School enjoying a puppet show! The service was wonderful, with great music, a fantastic sermon from Pete, the Dean of Liverpool, and lots of special guests and friends. We watched a video made by Ashley, the curate, who'd filmed people from church, the school and the community, describing St. George's in one word. It makes me cry every time I watch it! I love how often the words 'home', 'family' and 'community' come up. We also read out some of the memories we'd collected from people filling in memory cards over the previous weeks. Afterwards we all went over to the school for lots more cake.
Apart from my ordinations & licensings, this was my very favourite church service ever! It was so joyful, full of fun and life and celebration. It was also one of the most exhausting things I've ever done!
Planning for this occasion over so many years, and then enjoying each of the events as they happened, and especially experiencing the weekend itself, really made me reflect on how important it is to celebrate big life events together as a community. St. George's 200th anniversary really mattered. It mattered to those of us who are currently part of the church, of course. But more than that, it mattered to anyone who ever had been part of it, and who still thought of it fondly. It mattered to anyone who lived in the community and saw it as 'their' church. It mattered to anyone who had ever attended a special service there, whether one of joy or sorrow. It mattered to people of faith and to people of none.
I think, and I hope, that we did St. George's proud as we celebrated. It's exciting to think of what events and occasions might be celebrated there in the future. We looked around at our little ones and wondered whether any of them will be there when the 250th anniversary comes around in 2064.
It's incredible to stand in this stunning church and think about all that's happened here over the years. How many couples married, how many people baptised, how many loved ones bid farewell, how many people finding faith, how many relationships restored, how many prayers prayed, how many sicknesses healed, how many dreams dreamed.
I think this was one of those moments when it was ok to feel a bit proud! :)
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