Book review - Sustaining Leadership

This is a wildly and hopelessly overdue blog! I read this wonderful book ages ago, and promised to review it here, but never got round to it. And be assured that the irony of not being able to find time to review a book about developing and maintaining healthy patterns of life and work is in no way lost on me...

The book is written by Paul Swann, and its subtitle is 'You are more important than your ministry.' A reasonable enough statement, you'd think, except that so many of us seem to forget this at one time or another, as we fall into the trap of believing ourselves to be indispensable, and allow our diaries, our ministries and our pressures define us.

Paul Swann speaks from very personal, and very difficult, experience. In 2005 he experienced a period of illness and fatigue which resulted in 4 years of trying to manage his health and ministry, before he decided completely to step back from his full time role. Out of that experience, and the ways in which he has since sought to rebuild and rebalance his life, he shares much insight and wisdom which every one of us in any sort of 'ministry' role would do well to heed.

This book is really superb, and an absolute must read. It's easy to read in the sense of being clear and well written, with short chapters, but certainly not in the sense of being without substance. I sense that it's a book I will return to time and time again throughout the course of my ministry, when I need to be reminded of the nuggets it contains.

On the first page of the Introduction comes a quote that I know I need to keep front and centre of my mind (from Parker Palmer): "Self-care is never a selfish act - it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others."

I know I have found a book enormously helpful when I highlight something on almost every page - and my copy of Sustaining Leadership is already well thumbed and with many yellow highlights!

In Part 1, entitled 'Disintegration' Paul outlines his own story "Arriving on Planet Fragile." I read it knowing it could easily have been me or any one of us. He is honest about his own personal and painful experiences, and the devastating impact they had upon him.

In Part 2, 'Reintegration' Paul describes how he began to recover, and gives a wealth of invaluable advice about self care, what healthy and unhealthy patterns of ministry might look like, and how we can find the right balance of all the competing demands and priorities within our lives.

I often say that the thing I find most frustrating about my job as a vicar

(which I love almost all of, almost all of the time), is that it is simply never finished. There is always something more which could or should be done. Paul speaks to this when he writes "From where will you get your permission to stop? It will not come from completing a job that has no ending, from receiving affirmation that seldom comes or from a hierarchical permission that rarely exists. Instead, it will have to come from the self-love and self-care of which we have spoken, augmented by obedience to the fourth commandment, which is our permission to rest." I'm seriously considering getting that tattooed on my person, or at the very least stuck on the door of my study!

Part 3 is called 'Holding on to Hope.' This reminds us of why we ultimately do what we do, and in whose strength we do it.

I really enjoyed the way this book is written. It is very practical, and actively encourages the reader to engage with the content rather than just to read the words. Throughout the book there are grey boxes where questions are asked which invite us to pause and reflect.

This book is immensely real and honest, with just the right level of challenge - having gone through such a difficult period in his own life, Paul very much wants to make sure that others don't have to go through the same thing.

This book is wonderful and important - a definite must read for anyone involved in any kind of leadership or ministry. The future you will be glad you read this book now!

As Paul says in the Introduction: "Sustaining Leadership is not a book about what to do as a leader. It is a book about how to be as a leader."

What would Jesus post - Book review

This was a really interesting book to read and review. There are so many conflicting thoughts and opinions around about social media and the whole online world. Some people think it's the best thing since sliced bread, a fabulous gospel opportunity, a way to reach out and spread the good news and connect with people you wouldn't otherwise meet. Some people think it's the work of the devil, all about spreading lies and hate and evil, bringing out the worst in people and distracting us from the real work of the kingdom. The truth, inevitably, probably lies somewhere in between those two extremes. Like many things, social media and the internet can be used for good or for evil, and there are plenty of people and organisations doing both of those things.

It would be easy to assume that the Bible has nothing to say about the online world - after all computers and electricity couldn't even have been dreamed of during the time the Bible was written, let alone the internet. But it's vital as Christians that we consider what God thinks about all aspects of life, and that we weigh up what we do and say and think in the light of what we know to be true. This is what theology does - it enables us to look at an aspect of life in our world and to consider it within the gaze of God, asking ourselves what he wishes to say to us about it.

This is what David Robertson has sought to do in this new book: What Would Jesus Post? - A Biblical Approach to Online Interaction. Personally I'm a big fan of social media, as you'll know if you follow me, and have been assailed by multiple posts on anything from chocolate to church to squirrels to fencing to gin to Jesus... and much more! So I was fascinated to read what David Robertson had to say, and to see what he thought Jesus would have made of the world of social media.

My own view is that Jesus would have been all over social media - he was never one to shy away from a chance to interact with people, after all. He was always where the people were - even when that meant being in a place that the 'good', righteous, religious people felt that he shouldn't have been. Of course Jesus would have used his social media accounts without sinning, as he did everything - unfortunately that's something I can't claim to have always managed, and I doubt whether any of us have. But in 2018 I simply don't think that we can declare the whole online world to be morally bankrupt and declare that we want nothing to do with it. The internet isn't going anywhere, and I believe that we need to understand it and engage with it - in a way that's shaped around and formed by what we know to be true of God's kingdom rule. So what might that look like?

I really liked how practical the book was, and that it's structured in such a clear and readable way. It constantly refers back to the truths and wisdom of the Bible, and it is also totally up to date and relevant to 21st century life and culture. There are helpful tips about how we can all make better use of social media in our kingdom ministry, and there are also important challenges as to just how we come across, how we engage, how we  interact. We're reminded to "pray before posting" and to think about the responsibilities as well as the opportunities that come with having a "personal digital pulpit."

The overall advice from this book is that it's important for Christians as individuals, and for churches as organisations, to engage on social media, and to make the most of all that is offered by it. But crucially we're also encouraged to be wise, discerning, humble, hospitable and generous as we do so. There's also a really important and interesting challenge about our overuse of/reliance on all things online, and an encouragement to consider an occasional "digital sabbath." Ultimately, we're reminded that we are "stewards of a digital footprint."

Overall I think this is an important and timely book for Christians. I haven't come across anything quite like it before and it definitely gave me a lot of food for thought. I'm very much pro all things internet (well, most things...!) but this has given me some important new ideas, and questions to ask, for which I'm grateful.

Party of One - Book Review

I don't read all that many books on singleness, to be honest. I've always been pretty picky about them. I had to read a lot prior to writing one, for research, and there weren't many I loved. It's one of the main reasons why I wrote Single Minded, because there wasn't a book which said exactly what I wanted to read.

Party of One also doesn't say *exactly* what I wanted to read (but it's ok because I've already written a book that does!!). It is, however, really rather good.

Party of One is written by Joy Beth Smith, who's an American journalist. You can tell that, to be honest, because it's a really well written book, which keeps you turning the pages, and often has you laughing out loud. I also highlighted and underlined loads of it too, which is a sure sign of a book that I've really enjoyed (with apologies to all book purists - but if anyone did that to my book, I'd take it as a real compliment!)

Joy begins by describing how, for 15 years, she wrote a monthly letter to her future husband. (This is one of quite a number of points in the book where as a British reader there's a fairly major culture clash. I don't know anyone in the UK who's done this, and it's a reminder of how different both the church and the singleness scenes are in the UK and the US.) Anyway, one day she realises this is not a helpful strategy, and burns all of the letters. She says that she realised that "God has promised me many, many things: joy, intimacy with him, comfort, the presence of the Holy Spirit, and eternal life, to name just a few. But I'll never find the promise of a husband, of a beautiful, fulfilling marriage, tucked away in the back of James or even alluded to in Psalms."

This was the first paragraph in the book that I highlighted, and I was already hooked. It's so easy to believe marriage is somehow our 'right', something that we are owed, or deserve, but this is not the case.

Joy is brilliant at describing some of the difficulties that arise when 'helpful' friends try to intervene (and she oh-so-accurately points out how quickly people forget, having got married, what it's like to be single). She describes how people's constant attempts to 'pair off' all single people can lead to us feeling as if we're an embarrassment to have around - that instead of cheering us on in our singleness they just want to help us out of this unfortunate season.

One of the highlights of the book is the many in-depth conversations she has had with a great many single women. She travelled for these conversations, arranging round-table chats which led to a great deal of rich material, and she quotes the other women generously and at length. There is much wisdom shared from those chats.

There's just an awful lot of really helpful, clear truth in this book. She says that "God giving you a husband does not prove his goodness - marriage isn't even inherently good. But God is good, always. He is good in your singleness."

I cheered along as Joy lamented the waste which can so easily occur when single people live their life on hold, or treat their singleness like a waiting room - she uses the analogy of "an elevator ride" and declares this to be "a waste." "The problem with viewing singleness as a season is that we relegate our time here to something to be endured, not celebrated." YES!

Joy challenges the church's expectation of marriage in a way which is clear and timely without being grumpy (one might even suggest that the church is 'marriage obsessed' - that would make a good title for a chapter...) She challenges the common viewpoint that for single people life hasn't quite started yet, and says, with great perception, that "we've limited ourselves in what we choose to hono(u)r in the church."

She isn't afraid to tackle the big issues and the tough questions. She talks about loneliness, she talks about masturbation, she talks about childlessness, she talks about identity and self worth. I love her language of sexuality as something to be "stewarded" (rather than suppressed or avoided). I love how she tackles the 'gift' question.

There is a chapter called 'Don't spend your singleness preparing for marriage' (and I died a little inside at the 'spatula story') but nonetheless for me the book still felt like it was hoping for and heading for marriage. Perhaps it simply reflects where I am on my own journey (and perhaps this very thing would make it more appealing to some people) but I felt it might be of more interest to those still very much hoping and longing for marriage than for those who have embraced singleness for life. In the same vein I think it would be more for those who are 'never married but hoping to be' than for those who, for whatever reason, are 'single again'.

Overall I really would recommend this book (and believe me when I say that hardly ever happens with singleness books!) If you're reading it in the UK be prepared to do a bit of cross-cultural translation, and if you're not a young-ish 'single and hoping to be married' woman (I'm not sure how helpful guys would find it) be aware that it won't all resonate with you.

The thing I liked most (apart from how often it made me laugh out loud) was how much the whole book pointed to Jesus, and to living a holy live within and throughout our singleness. You can't ask for more than that.

Book review - Those who Wait (Tanya Marlow)

This is a wonderful book – it’s real, and honest, and challenging, and hopeful, and above all focused on Jesus. Tanya is a remarkable woman and she has written a remarkable book that will stimulate and encourage you, whatever your personal circumstances. Here is a common human experience, which we all go through one way or another – waiting – explored and discussed and meditated on. Tanya has had to endure many years of waiting, through a debilitating chronic illness. In this book she shares some of the lessons she has learnt, and is continuing to learn. Her love for Jesus shines out of every page. The book is imaginatively written, and will draw you in to its cleverly created narratives. There is wisdom and grace and humour and honesty throughout. Tanya has taken 4 well known biblical characters – Sarah, Isaiah, John the Baptist, and Mary the mother of Jesus – and brought their stories to life, helping us to imagine what the experience of waiting might have been like for them, and to understand what we can learn to help us through our own times of waiting. There are also theological notes to help those who wish to delve deeper into the text, and Bible study questions for those who want to study the book with others There are suggested creative exercises to inspire you and beautifully worded prayers to help you focus on the Lord. I couldn’t put this book down. The stories drew me in, the theological insights stirred me, and Tanya’s honesty and courage challenged me. I will definitely recommend this book to others I know who are struggling through times of waiting – everyone will be able to find something in it to strengthen and encourage them in their journey with the Lord.

Here's the link to the Wordery page where you can pre-order the book:

https://wordery.com/those-who-wait-tanya-marlow-9781910786864?cTrk=NjU1NzU3Mjh8NTlkYWEyZjhhZTZkNjoxOjI6NTlkYWEyZjNhMWUyZjAuODQwOTI0NzE6NDNkYjdhODQ%3D

Book Review - Acts and Omissions by Catherine Fox

I guess I need to say right at the start of this blog that I absolutely LOVE this book! This isn't going to be one of those cryptic book reviews where you don't know until the last sentence whether the reviewer loved or hated the book. I think this is a fantastic book - not to everyone's tastes, I imagine, but then what book is?

I also probably need to say, in the interests of transparency, that Catherine Fox is a friend. Given how funny and witty and naughty she is in real life, it's no surprise that her books are all of those things too. However, wonderful, loyal friend as I of course am, I'm not so nice that I would write a glowing review of a book I didn't like. (And anyway, I've been a fan of her writing for longer than I've been her friend!).

I think as a reader that one of the things you most want from a novel is characters who you really care about. Acts and Omissions delivers many such characters. They're a joy, every one of them, with their eccentricities and egos, their humour and humanity, their foibles and frailties. Matt, Freddie, Wendy, Jane, Paul, Bob, Susanna, Martin, Dominic... these people have become totally real to me! I'm not sure I can think of many other novels I've read where I have genuinely cared this much about what happens to the characters!

The way in which the book was first written probably helped to create this level of character-empathy. Catherine blogged a chapter a week for a whole year, meaning the reader was often left with a dramatic cliffhanger, and there was nothing to be done except wait a week to see what would happen next.

For me the genius of this book (and all of Catherine's writing) is the way she brings up big, important issues in an easy, light-hearted way, that means you suddenly move from chuckling about something daft that one of the characters has said or done, to finding yourself thwacked between the eyes by something incredibly moving and profound.

I have spent the whole of my life worshipping within the Church of England, and the past 9 years working within it. I have a massive amount of affection for it, but am also very well aware of its peculiarities! I love that this book pokes gentle fun at the CofE, challenges it where it deserves to be challenged, but does so at all times with genuine warmth and fondness, and never with negativity and criticism.

This book is also far from afraid to tackle the Big Issues. It does so cleverly, because first of all it has made you genuinely love and care about the people involved. This means that you can't just dismiss the things you don't like - which is what, in real life, it's all too easy to do.

There are lots of moments in this book where I've wished that one of the characters hadn't done the thing they've just done. There were times on a Sunday night as I read the blog when I yelled "noooooooo" at the computer. I disagree, morally and theologically, with some of the things which happen in the book. It would be pretty surprising if I didn't, really - that's novels, and indeed human life, for you. There were lots of moments when I wished that a different choice had been made, or a different outcome reached. That doesn't mean, however, that I can't enjoy and appreciate the book for what it is.

The brilliant thing that it does is that it forces you to consider these issues as they affect 'real people' (please don't tell me they aren't real!!) who you've grown to love and care for. In church life it's all too easy to retreat behind our theological labels, and to stay within groups of people who think the same way as we do, and to assume that we know what 'we' and what 'they' think and believe. This book doesn't allow us to do that - it challenges us in ways which can only be helpful. Not all angles and beliefs are equally represented, however, and there's a definite liberal bias in the theology of most of the main characters that is different from my own theology, and therefore presented me with a not-always-comfortable challenge. I might also have liked one or two more 'single, whole and content' characters (trust me to say that!), but then they probably don't make for such interesting stories...

In many ways the book is 'about' the homosexuality/equal marriage debate which is so topical in the CofE at the moment, but it's also about more than that. It's about how huge institutions care for (or don't!) the people who work for them. It's about love and relationships and how frail and fragile they are, but how worth fighting for. It's about the Christian journey, and the ups and downs of an ordinary bunch of people trying to walk it. It's about grace and forgiveness and joy and life and laughter. It is not, however, for the faint-hearted or the easily offended...!

Even though I'd read the book faithfully each week as it was blogged, I still couldn't wait to read it again when it was published. I read much of it in one go on the train home from London and I laughed and cried for most of the journey!

This is a fabulous book, incredibly well written and achingly funny. Read it quickly (it's just out, published by SPCK), and then go to www.unseenthingsabove.blogspot.co.uk to start reading the sequel, also being blogged a chapter a week.