Work and worship at Christmas

If I had £1 for every time someone said to me during December, "ooh, it must be a busy time for you," I could retire in luxury and drink cocktails all day long. (That's not something I *ever* dream of though...)

It's hard to know how to respond. It is busy, of course it is - this is 1 of the 2 'most important' points in the Christian calendar, and, of the 2, it's by far the most commercially and culturally popular, and therefore the busiest. But (as I've found myself saying often to people over the last few weeks), although I'm busy, it's "good busy" - I'm busy doing lots of fun things.

This week, for instance, among other things, I've made heaps of mince pies, had an 'open house' for church (eating said mince pies), watched a Y1/Y2 and an EYFS Christmas play, signed Christmas carols for a service in a special school, and had a pub night out with a local community group I'm part of. That's in addition to the 'normal', non-Christmas stuff such as planning weddings, baptisms and funerals, visiting people, and writing sermons - LOTS of sermons!

But it's brilliant, isn't it?! Why would I not love doing all that. Preparing for Christmas and Easter, and leading and preaching in church on those days, is right up there at the top of the list of "reasons I love my job". People who don't usually come to church turn up and I get to part of welcoming them in and telling them how much God loves them. That's never not going to be fun.

I don't want people to think I'm "busy", if being "busy" means stressed, or distracted, or 'haven't got time for you', or 'my job's more important than yours'. Mind you, it's perhaps better than that other favourite, £1-earning saying about vicars only working one day a week. Ha ha, how we all chuckled. Through gritted teeth... Although I suppose I do get that people find it very hard to imagine what vicars do actually do from Monday morning to Saturday evening.

I was once asked by a hairdresser what I did and when I told her, rather than looking blank, or saying "you don't look like a vicar," which is what I've come to expect in such conversations, she immediately beamed and said "oooh, that must be such a LOVELY job." I've wondered about that since. I wish I'd asked her what she meant, but I was so surprised that I didn't. It IS a lovely job, actually, but I don't think she meant it for the same reasons as I do. Maybe she thought I spent my whole day cuddling babies, or drinking tea and eating cake with old ladies.

Anyway, I've been thinking this week about the whole 'busyness' thing, specifically as it relates to Christmas, and to Advent, the time of preparation for Christmas. Because one of the big dangers for clergy, or vicars, or ministers, or whatever you want to call us - and indeed for anyone whose job it is to 'do' Christmas in church - is that the whole thing will just become work instead of worship.

That's always a danger - the 'professionalisation' of church so that it becomes something we simply 'do'. I think, though, that it's even more of a danger at Christmas and Easter. We find ourselves dashing between carol services and home communions and toddler group parties. We have so many talks to write that we just dig out and dust off a few from previous years (*nothing wrong with sermon recycling every now and then by the way - as long as it doesn't become a way to avoid engaging with the Bible and what God is doing right here and now). We try to balance the church/work/personal, and something has to give - so either we have brilliant services but don't write any cards or buy any presents, and burn the roast dinner; or church is a bit pants but we go all Kirstie Allsopp and Mary Berry at home.

I really, really, don't want the joy and wonder and delight and excitement of leading a church at Christmas to become a chore. I don't want the awesome, incredible, beautiful, timeless story at the heart of it to become commonplace. I don't want the mindblowing privilege of telling people about Jesus - God's Son, come to earth as a tiny baby to be 'Emmanuel', God With Us - to become just another item on my to-do list.

Before I can do anything else at Christmas, before I can write the cards and wrap the presents and cook the food; and definitely before I can sing the songs and watch the plays and preach the story - I must first stop and be still and simply worship the God who loved me, you, us, enough to come into our world as one of us, to save us.

Here's a picture of our church Christmas tree after we'd decorated it to tell the whole story of Jesus (probably my highlight of Christmas every year):

Just being there

Well once again I'm afraid it's been ages since I wrote a blog! Here though, at last, is the 5th post in my series looking at the Five Love Languages - http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ This time I'll be thinking about 'Quality Time'. I've already looked at the other 4 - Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts and Physical Touch. You can find them all if you scroll back through the last few months' posts.

So what is Quality Time all about? Well it's about really being 'with' some - genuinely present, in the moment, giving them your undivided attention. It might involve doing something that they want to do although you'd rather not, or it might simply be 'doing nothing' together - that companionable silence and shared space which can be really lovely when we're comfortable with the other person.

I guess Quality Time is important to many of us in some way - none of us wants to feel like we don't matter, or that someone is looking over our shoulder to see how fast they can get away, or looking at their watch thinking about where they need to be next. Whether it's an appointment with our GP, a chat with a friend over coffee, or a meeting with our boss over an issue at work, we want to feel that the other person has got time for us, that they are genuinely present in the conversation and that they've got time for us. If we don't feel like that, but instead feel that they can't wait to get away, we'll be far less likely to say the thing that we've actually come to say, or to be honest and open.

With friendships too, this is really important. Quality Time doesn't have to be long, and it doesn't have to be all the time. It might consist of seeing someone for a day a year. It might be an hour a week. But in that time, however long and however regular, the person's time will be given completely to the other, as an act of generosity.

So Quality Time is important for many of us, but how does it specifically affect single people? It's probably more of(although not exclusively) an issue for those who don't have children and who live alone, because there just isn't someone 'there' to spend time with.

Sean Doherty, in Part 1 of his brilliant series 'The Only Way is Ethics' (Authentic, 2015) makes a brilliant point:
"Once when preaching I talked about needing deep friendships. But someone pointed out to me afterwards that depth is not enough. She had deep friendships. What she missed was someone to share shallow things with. Maybe 80 per cent of marriage is the 'shallow' stuff: emptying the dishwasher, sharing how your day went, watching a movie, knowing someone will miss you when you're away. Intimacy is built on small things."

Yes! This is so true. Sometimes as single people we find ourselves invited for 'special events' but still excluded from the mundane and day to day stuff of life. That's not meant to sound like a complaint! But it's lovely also to be invited to just hang out with people, to watch TV, to have a 'normal' tea (not just a fancy dinner party), to go for a walk, to mooch round the shops... Living alone I find I really do miss doing that 'normal' stuff with other people.

Although Quality Time is about being present it doesn't have to be intense, I don't think. Today I popped round to my friend's house to pick up some things I'm borrowing for a school assembly. I then spent an hour hanging out in her kitchen over a cuppa. During that hour she made tea for the kids, who came and went - they laughed, cuddled, argued, cried, fell out and showed me their homework. She and I had a conversation interrupted by spelling practice, sibling arguments and post-football-reports. But it was still Quality Time because I know they love me, and I'm allowed to be part of their family, and my friend wanted to hear about the important conversation I'd had earlier.

Quality Time takes a bit of effort. Sometimes we end up seeing time with friends as one more thing on our to-do list, and after a half hour chat and cuppa we can cross it off and crack on with the next job. But Quality Time is about being generous with ourselves and our time, being there for one another. It's definitely an investment worth making!

The gift of... well, gifts

Ages ago I decided I was going to blog about the 5 Love Languages http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. I did the first 3 and then slightly ran out of steam! So here's number 4 - sorry there's been such a long gap!

I've already talked about Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service. This time I want to talk about Receiving Gifts. Who doesn't like receiving gifts?! I guess most of us like presents, but the truth is that they're definitely more important to some people than to others. I like getting presents, of course I do, but actually in many ways I like a card or note better! I'd far rather receive a card, written from the heart, with kind and encouraging words in it, than an expensive present! (A card that just has someone's name scribbled in it doesn't count - the words are what's important!). That's because my love language is Words of Affirmation, so the main way in which I feel loved is through words.

That said though, presents are still great, especially thought through and well chosen presents. Present-buying is actually quite a gift. Some people only seem able to buy presents they themselves like, even if it's something the person they're buying for wouldn't like at all. I remember learning this quite early in life. My mum came home one day with a present for my great aunt. It was a brooch - truly one of the ugliest things I had ever seen! I asked my mum what on earth she was thinking - it was hideous! "That's true," she said, "it's horrible. But Aunty Mary will like it." Sure enough, when it came to Aunty Mary's birthday, she loved it, and she often wore it. I was astonished, and impressed! Buying presents, it turned out, was a selfless act - you had to imagine what the other person would most like.

I find that quite fun, and enjoy buying presents for people. In fact sometimes people are surprised to learn that I'm less bothered about receiving gifts, because I like buying and giving them so much! I'm one of those really annoying people (I get this from my mum too!), who buys presents all year round, and keeps them in a special cupboard. I buy something, whenever I see it, which I know that a certain person would like, even if it's just after Christmas and their birthday is months away. For some really good friends I have 3 or 4 presents hidden away, because in each case I've seen something and known that they'll love it. (Of course the trick then is remembering that when it comes to their birthday!).

I have all sorts of random presents in my cupboard. More than once there's been an 'emergency present' required - e.g. when we've found out at the last minute that one of the kids of one of our church families who are in need has a birthday, and I've been able to race home and find something to fit the bill. I also love buying presents for my friends' kids. For my Godchildren, I buy presents not just at Christmas and birthdays, but also on the anniversaries of their baptisms.

As a single person (even though I realise I've just said I prefer cards!), presents are hugely important to me. My family is tiny - we'd pretty much all fit in a phone box - and realistically the only people who really HAVE to buy me presents are my mum and dad. It's massively special, then, when people buy me presents who really don't have to. I'm fairly easily pleased present-wise (HINT: jewellery, bags, scarves and pretty stationery are ALWAYS going to work :) ), but it is so very lovely when friends (who are under no genetic obligation to do so) buy me a present.

Christmas and birthday presents are obviously lovely. I'm so grateful to my wonderful friends who buy me presents then. At my best friend's house, where I have breakfast every Christmas morning, I even get my own Christmas stocking :)

What's also lovely and wonderful is presents for no particular reason - presents because someone simply saw something and thought of you. What a lovely thing that is. I think the reason I enjoy that so much is knowing that firstly someone knows me well enough to know that I would love that particular thing, and secondly that they were thinking of me when they saw it, and went to the trouble of buying it for me.

Sometimes it's easy to think that I don't really matter all that much to anyone - perhaps as a single person this is a particularly common thought pattern, because there's no 'one person' to whom we are most special, and who we know will always have us in mind. But receiving a gift, by its very nature, makes us special - it reminds us that someone has thought about us, and cares for us, and has gone to some trouble for us. That is definitely a gift worth receiving!

Here's a rather lovely gift I received recently (teabag not supplied):

A yellow giraffe t-shirt

I've sort of been 'brewing' this blog post for a while now, but even as I type, I'm nervous about how it will be received... will it be a bit too much like just letting you all read my journal? Well, maybe. But then maybe that's just what blogging is anyway. And if you've ever read this blog before, or if you know me in actual real life, then you'll know that I'm a majorly over-sharing extrovert, so hey, whatcha gonna do?!

I've blogged on a similar-ish theme before, just after Mothers' Day last year - http://katewharton.blogspot.co.uk/2014_04_01_archive.html. 

This time it was being at the New Wine England Summer Gathering that made me start to ponder this whole issue of childlessness. (And before I go any further, if you don't know what New Wine is, check it out here - http://www.new-wine.org/home)

 So. I want to write about not having children, and what that feels like for me. I want to do that, although it may make me cry, because I find the writing cathartic, as a way of processing it all. And I want to do it too because it may just help someone else along the way, to think or reflect or face up to this issue for themselves.

I want to be really careful about the language I use, and I hope you'll bear with me. I don't want to offend or upset anyone. I can only share my thoughts and my experiences - yours will be different. And I can (obviously) only talk about not having children from the perspective of someone who is single. The issue of childlessness is a whole different thing for married people who are unable to have children, and/or have lost children. I have a number of friends in that category, and I grieve for them. I can't imagine what that feels like. I've found this blog to be a beautiful and honest exploration of some of those issues - http://saltwaterandhoney.org/

I recognise too that for many single people, the 'children thing' isn't a thing at all. It is at best a peripheral issue, something that inevitably goes alongside being single, but isn't too much of an issue in and of itself - certainly not the main event. It's not something that people necessarily think of when they think of singleness. Single people don't have a spouse. Married people can be childless, not single people. And yet for some (although of course not all) single people, it can be one of the biggest areas of pain.

I would love to have children. I've wanted to have children for as long as I can remember, and I don't think that's just because in a way it's sort of assumed that women will. It was just something within me - I wanted to be a mum.

I love children, and I'm pretty good with them. I can, generally, talk to them, and play with them, and have fun with them and enjoy their company. Whether they're teeny-tiny, or toddlery, or tantrumy, or tweenagey, we can usually manage to get along well.

Obviously I love my friends' kids a huge amount. I have 3 fabulous Godchildren, and those 3 families contain my most favourite 7 children ever. But lots of other friends have kids too, and they're all special.

I really love spending time with children. It's such an awesome privilege to be allowed to be part of a little person's life - that they'll talk to you about the stuff that matters to them, and give you a big slobbery kiss because they've missed you, and slip their hand into yours as you walk down the road.

I spend quite a bit of time around kids at the moment. Partly that's a life-stage thing. Lots of my friends either have small kids (or much bigger kids!), or are pregnant. We do lots of things for kids at church. Just this last week we had 43 kids and their parents/carers in church for a fun day, and then we took them all on a trip to a theme park. It was great - sharing life with them, talking to them about Jesus, seeing their excitement as they went on the rides, hearing their laughter.

And at New Wine too, it was great. We had a fair few kids on our camp site (including all 3 of my gorgeous Godchildren - what a treat!), and it was really fun to have them around and to hang out with them in a really relaxed way.

And yet. You see, there was a bit of a meltdown. That's what started off this whole train of thought. One evening, I just completely lost it. I didn't see it coming at all, but all of a sudden there it was. i was in the main evening session, and a guy from my church walked past on his way to the cafe to get a drink, so I offered to hold his baby while he did. She's 7 months old and she's just so darned cute! We had a bit of a cuddle and a dance, then he came back with his drink and took her back. A few minutes later a dad and a toddler from another local church went past. In fact the toddler raced past with a look of determination on her face and the dad frantically ran after her to try to stop her from causing mayhem. She was wearing a yellow t-shirt with a giraffe on it. That's what did it, I think. The yellow giraffe t-shirt.

I basically sobbed for the whole of the rest of the evening. It wasn't pretty. There was a lot of snot. I don't even know why I was crying. Well, you know what I mean. I was crying because there are beautiful, gorgeous, adorable small people in the world and I won't ever have one of my own. But still, I don't know *why* I was crying, at that moment and in that place.

I talked to God a lot about it, that evening and in the days that followed. I wondered, to myself and to God, what it was all about. I wondered whether it would always be this painful, whether yellow giraffe t-shirts would always make me cry. Perhaps they will. Perhaps that's ok.

Later I bumped into some lovely friends, who saw past the snot, and prayed for me, and understood. That's another incredible blessing right there.

I'm so grateful to God, and to my friends, for the little people in my life, and for the joy they bring. I pray that I'll always enjoy being with them, even though it might sometimes be hard too. I pray that they'll always want to spend time with me. I pray that I'll never become bitter over the things I don't have. I pray that I'll always stay thankful for the things that I do have. I pray that I'll continue to try to become like a little child myself, as Jesus said I should (see Matt 18:1-3).

I pray for every little person today wearing a yellow giraffe t-shirt, for every grown up person given the awesome job of caring for them, and for everyone for whom tied up in that whole business there's pain, or grief, or sorrow.

I saw this video today. It's unbelievably precious, and a reminder of the total miracle of new life. Don't watch it if you don't want to cry a bit! (And I recommend you don't read the comments after it - people get crazy on the internet...). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fhe44oPdp1U

Kindness in action

Here's another blog from me about 'The Five Love Languages' as described by Gary Chapman - http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. This time I'm thinking about what he calls 'Acts of Service'. In a way this one's the opposite of 'Words of Affirmation' which I described last time, because rather than appreciating kind and positive words, someone whose Love Language is Acts of Service appreciates kind actions - things done for them, to help them out and bless them.

I appreciate people doing nice stuff for me as much as the next person, and I'm certainly never going to say no to anyone who offers to do some gardening (I HATE IT!), but Acts of Service come right in the middle for me as far as Love Languages go. Words of Affirmation (see blog on 25th June) and Quality Time (still to come) are much more important to me.

As a single person living on my own though, there are LOTS of times I can think of when Acts of Service would be very handy indeed.

A few years ago I ordered a new fridge. It was delivered by a nice man in a big lorry. However, the nice man carried the fridge approximately 6 inches inside my front door, put it down, and was driving away in his big lorry before I could say "oi, you can't leave that there!" There was a great deal of pushing and shoving, a fair amount of sweat, and one or two slightly naughty words involved in getting the fridge from the front door to the kitchen...

When I moved into the Vicarage here, I decided to get a new dining room table and chairs. I ordered them online, and they arrived as flatpack. I decided to be a grown up. I could absolutely do this by myself. I am woman. I make table. It took the entire day. I broke some nails. But - a wooden table and 6 lovely chairs were duly created. I did it ALL BY MYSELF! (Yes, one of the chairs is seriously wobbly. Really, don't sit on that one if you come round. My dad mentions it every time he walks in the room. It does my head in. But what's a wobbly chair between friends?).

On that occasion I did feel pretty proud of myself for stepping up and doing it. Sometimes it's fun to play at being a grown up! But it isn't always possible, or there isn't time, or it's just a job that needs two people. I waited months for a blind to be fitted in my dining room because it just wasn't a job that could be done by someone with only two hands. (To be fair it was also because I'm terrified of using a drill. Not quite that grown up yet). One friend helpfully offered to lend me a drill, but I didn't want to borrow a drill. I wanted a person to wield the drill too.

Maybe I'm just an idealist, but I really think as Church we should be able to help one another out with this stuff. It's obviously not just about single people needing stuff done, and other people helping them do it, though I guess from my own perspective and that of this blog I'm thinking about that side of things more. But we all have different interests/gifts/skills etc and so it makes sense that we would help each other out when we can. It's like a giant, ongoing, free (well maybe cake instead of money) promise auction.

It's not like I want all the Acts of Service to be done for me, of course. I need all the help I can get with DIY and gardening, as you can see, but I can be relatively useful myself. If I can, I'll baby-sit, pet-sit or granny-sit. I'll happily lend books, shoes, car, household items or anything else I have that someone else would find useful. I love cooking and will make meals or puddings or cakes as requested. I'll do your shopping for you. I'll give lifts.

And surely - surely! - if we all just mucked in and offered the stuff we like and are good at, and asked for help with the stuff we can't manage, things ought to work out ok, didn't they?

But I guess maybe that's the problem. Maybe we don't offer help enough, because we're too busy doing our own stuff, or the thought never occurs to us, or it does occur to us but then we forget all about it, or we don't want to patronise, or we just can't be bothered, or 101 other things which are reasons but also excuses. And maybe we don't ask for help because we think we can probably do it so we'll wait and we'll do it, no, we will, one day soon... Or we're not sure who to ask, or we asked once and someone said no or didn't turn up so we're scared to ask again, or we don't want to seem needy, or probably more like 1001 different reasons we make in our heads.

Perhaps a good rule if we want to ask for help and that soundtrack is in our head, is to remember "not to say someone else's no for them" - that is, just ask! What's the worst that can happen? If we all try our best to be grown ups (no judgement intended there - I find it hard myself most days of the week) then we might get to the point where we can ask for help when we need it, and we can offer help when we're able. And maybe a lot more Acts of Service would get done.

And maybe my garden wouldn't be somewhere you could lose a small child in for a month...

The importance of words

I wrote last week about 'the power of positive touch' - looking at one of the '5 Love Languages' which Gary Chapman describes in his book. This week I thought I'd write about the one which is my primary love language - what Chapman calls 'words of affirmation'.

When I first read the book and did the little quiz at the back to find out the order in which the 5 Love Languages apply to me, I'd never given this issue any thought at all. It had never occurred to me that the different ways in which love could be expressed or received would have any particularly different impact on people. My score came out as showing Words of Affirmation to be my love language - a long way ahead of any of the others!

It was years ago that I first read the book and since then I've come to realise that it really does make a lot of sense - and knowing this about myself really helps!

Words matter hugely to me. I've always loved words. I love writing, and reading. I also love preaching and teaching. I try to use words carefully. I sometimes speak off the cuff, but more often I carefully prepare what I'm going to say, spending time crafting each phrase and sentence. I remember words - things I've heard in sermons or during conversations; song words; snippets from films or novels.

When I wrote my book a couple of years ago I weighed each word very carefully. Words have great power - they can bless or hurt; criticise or encourage; thank or reject; teach or stifle.

I've known for a very long time that the saying "sticks and bones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" was utter nonsense. If I didn't know it before, I learnt it the hard way at school, when a few people used a few words, for quite a long time, to hurt me a very great deal. Because if course, if you're someone who remembers the good words, then you're also going to remember the bad ones. Words that people have used to hurt me or criticise me never leave me. They continue going round and round my head for a long time after they've been spoken - and going round and round my heart for longer still.

Unfortunately, and perhaps inevitably, I'm much better at remembering the negative words than the positive ones - maybe we all are.

Because Words of Affirmation are my primary love language, I'm only really able to feel loved and appreciated when positive words are used. For instance, you might buy me a lovely present, but no card. I'm afraid though I'll feel more loved by the person who writes me a beautiful message in a card but doesn't give me a present at all! (It may be a mistake to admit this publicly. Maybe I'll never be bought a present again. I do like presents too, honest...). It's true though - I just love cards and letters and emails and texts with kind, encouraging, appreciative words. I have a habit of keeping cards and letters which have meant a lot to me - I have boxes full of them. and although I hardly ever look at them, each one means a huge amount to me. I would move quickly to save them if my house was burning down!

I write a lot of cards to people myself. It's one of the quirks of the Love Languages that we often show love in the way we like to receive it - so I have a habit of using lots of Words of Affirmation with others, even though I'm well aware that if it isn't also their Love Language, they won't be that interested in it!

I've been reflecting lately on what it looks like to be a single person, who lives alone, whose Love Language is Words of Affirmation. Obviously people around me give me words of affirmation - friends, colleagues, people at church - and that's great. But I wonder whether for me, especially as an extrovert, one of the losses is immediately after an event or a meeting or a service or whatever, when I really just need someone to tell me I did well. Or even just on a day to day basis, needing someone to tell me they value me and what I've done.

I guess because of that I massively appreciate it when it does happen - so huge thanks to the colleague this week who emailed me not 5 minutes after a difficult meeting had ended, to tell me I'd done a great job.

I'm aware in this area there's the potential for sin (as in all of life!) - I don't want to become so reliant on Words of Affirmation that I become vain or proud or needy. But nevertheless there's a right awareness I think, of who we are, and how we are made, and a recognition of what we need. And of course it's a godly and appropriate thing to thank and encourage one another. 

Perhaps we all need to consider how we use our words towards others (and towards ourselves). If you're a fellow WoA person like me - may you be blessed by words far more than you are hurt by them. You're doing great!

The power of positive touch

Gosh it's been an unbelievably long time since I last blogged! Sorry about that... I've been variously busy, and ill, and on holiday! I'm definitely going to try to get back to doing this regularly. So here goes...
I wonder if you've come across the idea of the Five Love Languages? If you're a regular churchy type person then I'd be surprised if you haven't at least heard of them because they seem to be all over the place! They are outlined in a book by an American author called Gary Chapman and you can find out more here - www.5lovelanguages.com

When I first read the book I admit I was pretty sceptical. The premise is that there are 5 main ways that we give and receive love, and that every person has 1 primary love language, that is 1 preferred way in which they receive love. I couldn't really imagine how that could be true - how could every human being on the planet fit into 1 of these 5 categories and conform to 1 of these patterns? Well, needless to say, it isn't quite as straight forward as that, but nevertheless as I read the book I had one 'aha!' moment after another - it really did make sense!

The Five Love Languages are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. I'm going to blog about each of them over the next little while, and ponder a bit on how we might be able to give and receive love in each of these ways - and how being single might impact on that.

Although it isn't my primary love language, I'm going to start with Physical Touch. The reason for that is that the idea of blogging about the love languages came to me yesterday as I was having a back massage! I absolutely LOVE having massages, but until a couple of years ago I'd only ever done so a few times. But then I had a bad car accident and, although fortunately I was unhurt, a kind friend gave me a voucher for a massage to help me relax and recover. It was lovely, and the salon 'just happened' to have an offer on at the time where if you paid for 4 massages you got 6. I paid for the course, and by the end of it I was hooked! They have such offers on regularly, and I've been booking them ever since. Every time I reach the end of a course I tell myself it's an outrageous extravagance, and I can't afford it, and I'm going to stop, but then every time I book again! It really helps with my shoulders, which have been dodgy and painful for years (the physio even said I should keep going!), plus it's lovely and relaxing and feels like such a treat!

Anyway, as I was lying there having the massage, I began to think that actually it's quite a weird thing to do. I was practically naked, and somebody I didn't know was rubbing oil onto my back and running her hands all over it! As a single person, that's far and away the most intimate touch I ever receive. Perhaps if you're in a sexual relationship and used to being naked in front of someone else, and to intimate touch, it feels less of an issue - but after all it is still a complete stranger that's doing it!

In spite of the slight oddness of it though, I still really enjoy it (I just find it's best not to over analyse it or it would weird me out - a bit like when I go swimming and think "essentially we're all just in our underwear in front of a load of people we don't know"!). Yes, I enjoy the relaxation of it all, and the lovely smells, and how chilled out I feel afterwards - but I also enjoy the touch. It's good to be touched by another human being once in a while!

For single people (I guess most particularly those who live alone, and don't have kids) lack of touch can be a real issue. I imagine if you're single and Physical Touch is your primary love language, that could be really hard, as you would potentially feel very lacking in love and affection.

This has surely got to be something that, as Christians, we can do something about! Lots of churches have a custom of 'sharing the peace' which can be anything from a handshake to a hug to a peck on both cheeks - but (if you want!!) can be a good way of receiving some appropriate physical touch.

[Of course, it can also go the other way, as evidenced by this conversation in the Vicar of Dibley:
David Horton: Am I alone on Sundays in preferring not to shake hands with the malodorous creature in the next pew? 
Jim Trott: No no no no... I quite like that bit. 
David Horton: Let alone kiss them? 
Jim Trott: I love that bit!]

I know that several days can go by when really, I've barely touched another human being. I might have touched hands with the person serving me in the supermarket, or brushed past someone on the street, but there's been no 'real' touch - no affection, no validation, no warmth. It then feels really good when someone hugs me, or gives me a kiss on the cheek, or puts their hand on my arm as we talk (someone I know that is - it's not so great if a randomer does it!). Some people can't bear physical touch, of course, so there's an element of permission-giving required here too.

But perhaps we could all think a bit more about how to bless our friends whose love language is Physical Touch, and how to make sure we ourselves receive enough touch so that we know we're loved. And I think I'll carry on booking those massages...!

 If you're in any doubt as to the power of touch, take a look at this -