Being single - the tough bits

Last week I finally got round to blogging after a ridiculously long gap. I talked about one of the things from the last chapter of the book, where I'd asked a big group of my single friends what some of the good and bad bits were about being single. In that last post I looked at the great things, so this time I'm going to look at the not-so-great things.

Like last time, there's a bit of a caveat at the start - this is in no way a conclusive study, just the random thoughts of a random group of my random friends! Some of the things only apply to those who don't have children, or to those who live alone - and obviously not all single people fall into those categories.

That said, it's a pretty interesting list. I agree with some (although not all) of the things on the list, and I'd love to know what you think too.

So here goes...

• Becoming selfish and set in your ways
• Becoming too independent (as opposed to interdependent, which is a positive thing)
• Coming home to an empty house
• Feeling lonely
• Not necessarily being as devoted to God as I could be - spending as much time wrestling with being single as my married friends spend with their families!
• No one to care for you if you're ill
• No one with whom to share dreams and decision making
• Eating and drinking alone
• Lack of physical contact and hugs
• No one with whom to have a laugh
• No one to point out and help you to work on your bad habits
• Struggling with practical jobs
• Other people viewing you in a certain way (feeling a 'social failure')
• No one to make you take time off
• Not feeling loved and cherished by anyone
• Cost of living is more
• Having to do all the chores
• Worrying about the future and facing old age alone
• No one with whom to celebrate significant life events (who makes you a birthday cake?!)
• Difficulty arranging holidays
• Not having the viewpoint of someone of the other sex
• For men - society may be wary of them especially around children
• For women - safety issues in the house
• People assume you have lots of free time
• An integrity issue - trying to be the same in public and in private
• Worries about the future - planning for retirement
• Going to places on your own
• Seeing others get married
• Not having children (if that's the case for you)

It's a long list! What do you think?

Some things can feel negative one day and positive another, depending on all sorts of other factors. Some things can be a negative and a positive at almost exactly the same time.

My favourite example of this is from 2012 when I had tickets to the Paralympics in London. On the Thursday, I went together with my lovely friend Nikki. On the Friday, she had to work, but as we'd only seen team sports I decided I'd like to see some athletics so bought myself a ticket and headed off.

The brilliant thing about it was that I could please myself! I made the decision to go, booked the ticket, travelled to the park, and had a great day out. I ate what I wanted to and came and went as I pleased, without having to worry about anyone else. The difficult thing about it was that I had to spend the day all by myself, with no one to share in the experience with me.

I'm really glad that I decided to go. I had a fantastic day and saw some brilliant sport (including one of my heroes, Hannah Cockroft, winning gold!). As an added bonus I even bumped into some friends and got to spend some time with them. I went for it, and I'm glad.

The really funny PS to all that is that sometimes we're ok with our singleness, but others aren't. When I arrived at the stadium, I asked one of the gamesmakers to take my photo. He was utterly horrified that I was there on my own, and insisted on being in the photo with me! I'll post the photo below - he was lovely, but it still makes me chuckle how concerned he was that I was there on my own!

Being single - the fantastic bits!

Gosh it's been a really long time since I blogged - sorry about that! There was our church Open Day, and then New Wine, and then a week camping with friends, and then church holiday club, and then the back to school thing... it's been a busy summer!

Anyway, I'm blogging again, and I thought I'd do another couple of posts with some snippets from the book. I'd love to know what you think (whether or not you've read it!).

Chapter 7 in the book is entitled 'Happily Ever After'. In large part it's my story - what I believe God is saying to me as I live out this single life. However in it I also explore some of the best and worst bits about being single. I include a list of both, based on the responses I got from my single friends who filled in the questionnaires I sent out.

So, here is a list (in no particular order, as they say) of the things my random group of friends felt were great about being single -

• Being able to decide on and do things spontaneously
• Having to face up to my own character issues and deal with them
• Having to totally rely on God
• Learning how to do practical jobs
• Having freedom to spend lots of time with God
• Pleasing myself about what I eat and drink!
• Freedom to make my own plans and decisions
• Being able to take on new roles and responsibilities as I choose
• Flexibility about how I use my time
• No one to shout at you if you bump the car!
• Developing self confidence, e.g. being able to go into parties and pubs alone
• Choosing your own style of house and garden decor
• Being able to be generous with money
• Being able to serve and give out more - no one will need you later at home so you can just come in and rest
• Building intimate friendships
• Being able to choose times of solitude
• Lower cost of living
• Being able to be hospitable and keep an open house
• Taking holidays in school time

Someone also added 'staying young looking (at least if you don't have kids)' - what do you think, do child-free single people really look younger?! ;-)

Obviously not all of the things on that list will apply to some people (perhaps especially those who are single but have children) - but I still think it's a great list! It's so important that those of us who are single recognise and acknowledge the great things that we have the opportunity to do that we perhaps wouldn't be able to do if we were married.

Anyway, let me know what you think about the list above - do you agree or disagree? Are there things you'd add to that list? I'll do the slightly more negative list soon...