Thursday, 27 March 2014

... and when they don't work quite so well...

Earlier in the week I blogged a little excerpt from my book 'Single Minded' about the ways in which friendships between single and married people can work really well, and bless all parties involved. The list was based on questionnaire responses from all the single people that were kind enough to share their thoughts with me as I wrote the book.

Today I want to share the flip side of that list - some of their thoughts as to when things don't work so well, and some of the things which their lovely married friends might (entirely unwittingly I'm sure!) do or say which might be less well received... The lists don't claim to speak for all people, of course - that would be impossible. If you're single there will be some things that you'll instantly recognise and empathise with and others that you'll totally disagree with - feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

I hope the lists are helpful. They're not meant to be rude or arrogant or complaining, but simply observations and sharing some thoughts. Hopefully we can all learn a bit more about how to get on with each other, and love and support one another, as a result.

Don't feel too got at if you're married - the next blog post will be your thoughts (or at least the thoughts of those of you I asked to share with me as I was writing!).

So, here goes -

  • When they try to matchmake me without my permission.
  • When they act as a couple in ways which feel excluding and uncomfortable (this may be overt shows of affection, or it may be having big arguments).
  • When they don't really understand what my life is like.
  • When I have to always fit in round them, and whenever we meet it has to be on their terms.
  • When they use me as a babysitting service.
  • When they only invite me round at certain times but save the 'special times' like Saturday nights for their married friends.
  • When they talk non-stop about their children.
  • When they moan about their children without realising that I would love to have what they have.
  • When friends who have been very close while they were single disappear when they get married and don't keep in touch.
  • When they assume that because I don't have children I don't want to be included in their family events.
  • When they assume that I am self-sufficient and capable all of the time and don't need any help or support.
  • When they ditch me during times of stress in their lives because they turn instead to their family (understandably), and I feel shut out.
  • When they don't ever invite me to join them for holidays.
I couldn't very well use a 'negative example' photo here, so instead here's another great example of friendship at its best - vegging on the sofa after a lovely Christmas Day with friends.


  1. When they moan about their children and tell me I don't know how easy life is without kids....